Found: Saddam’s Weapon of Mass Destruction

Greg Palast

By Greg Palast
[Washington]

This photo of condemned Iraqi ex-strongman Saddam Hussein amid exotic weapons of mass destruction, taken just before the liberation of Iraq, was released Saturday by the White House. Still from Video- Courtesy of NY Times

Proclaiming that the long-awaited evidence of Saddam’s deadly weaponry was now irrefutable, Presidential spokesman Tony Snow displayed the picture of Saddam with bow and arrows [read the original NY Times article] at a special briefing for the Washington press corp.

“These are ‘dirty’ arrows, capable of delivering radioactive materiel wherever shot,” said Snow. While conceding that there was as yet no evidence that Saddam had the capability to ‘nuclearize’ these warheads, sources close to the Office of Special Plans at the Pentagon stated that, “The purpose of a ‘dirty arrow’ is not to kill but to spread destructive mass panic.” The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, added “Imagine the deadly effect if one of these babies was shot into the goal post at the Super Bowl game during Shakira’s half-time show.”Administration defense policy advisor Richard Perle, speaking from the Heritage Foundation, noted that Saddam clearly had the means to greatly multiply the deadly panic effect of a dirty arrow attack by use of a “war whoop,” which Perle demonstrated by repeatedly placing the closed fingers of one hand against his lips while intoning, “whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo.”

The discovery of hard evidence of Saddam’s dirty arrow program vindicates the claims of Iraqi exile leader Ahmad Chalabi that Saddam had concealed large caches of war paint and battle feathers.

During a scheduled impromptu chat with the press held at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, the President said, “Well, this should put an end to my critics and the nay-sayers and the cutters and runners who said we were fibbing about Saddam’s WMDs.”

Because of the extreme danger to the American public of such arrows, Mr. Bush said his father, the former president, had given the younger Bush for his recent birthday a bow and arrows “with these little rubber suction thingies on the end.”

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell, reached in Baghdad, when asked about the new dirty arrow revelations said, “You’re kidding me, right?” General Powell was in Iraq to continue the hunt for the biological weapons laboratories whose photos he displayed to the United Nations in the lead-up to the 2003 invasion.

“Hey, a picture’s worth a thousand words – or fifty thousand lives,” said the General, laughing hysterically as he locked himself inside one of Saddam’s “mobile laboratories” filled with nothing but sand.

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Greg Palast is the author of the bestseller, “Armed Madhouse: Who’s Afraid of Osama Wolf? and other Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Class War.”

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